Don't Point That Thing at Me

Us and Them and Twitter

My beautiful nieces & nephews,

Now, I’m just a country bumpkin (lie) and I may not know much (bigger lie) and I may even have straw in my hair (outright fabrication), but I find myself wondering if I’m getting anywhere (now he trots out the truth).

The real value to investors in something like Twitter is (are?) the millions of everyday users. Celebrities have joined in too, drawn to its immediacy, marketing-power and arms-length intimacy with fans (there are still stalkers, for God’s sake). Some celebs really get it, revel in it. Others are more perfunctory, behaving as though a publicist were standing offstage, whispering threats.

Twitter realizes that celebs have become a big draw. Some people join up, follow The Bieb, The Gaga, and a hundred others. That’s probably a pretty typical account (honesty - how refreshing).

So Twitter lines up celeb avis at the sign-in. There are only a few Twitter-made stars in this constant rotation of mostly mediocre celebrity accounts. Offhand, I can only recall seeing Rob Delaney, Tim Siedell & Jason Sweeney (all very deserving) out there. There may be others, but I don’t linger.

It amazes me that Twitter won’t actively promote its huge cadre of amazing talent, born & raised on the Twitter farm, ripe for the plucking, but scribbling away in obscurity. What a tremendous asset to squander!

There are quite a few people who either have the innate talent (or the dedication to learn how) to write consistently creative & funny tweets. And though it may be The Bieb or The Gaga who initially bring ‘em into the store, I’m convinced the in-house talent is what keeps ‘em satisfied & coming back for more (hey- that rhymes!). Take that away, and Wall Street’s looking at a house of cards. Quality content is the engine that keeps people coming back to Twitter with any regularity. (I’ll happily include hip, motivated, talented celeb content in this category.)

So why doesn’t Twitter do more for those of us non-celebs who consistently generate content of a certain quality? I (ah, he said “I” - finally we get to the crux!) understand why there’s a celebrity divide in the first place, but why does it have to be so big here, and why is Twitter, Inc. making it unnecessarily bigger? I’m not so foolish as to think that Twitter is a meritocracy. I know it isn’t. There will always be far more famous people writing far more fatuous (read: boring) tweets who will have millions more followers than me. But I conduct my affairs as though it IS a meritocracy, because that’s all that’s left for un-famous schlubs.

Twitter, Inc. isn’t doing anything for us, and the sensation of being marooned is only heightened those many times when we don’t get respect from The Quality, either. Who, in many cases, will only follow each other.

I guess what I’m saying is: I’m building up a healthy dislike for Twitter’s caste system, and wonder if there’s anyone else who might be interested in pushing back.

Your affectionate uncle,

Dynamite